{"id":3716,"date":"2026-09-22T16:25:54","date_gmt":"2026-09-22T14:25:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/?p=3716"},"modified":"2026-09-22T16:27:38","modified_gmt":"2026-09-22T14:27:38","slug":"when-one-parent-doesnt-show-up-the-child-often-steps-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/2026\/09\/22\/when-one-parent-doesnt-show-up-the-child-often-steps-up\/","title":{"rendered":"When one parent doesn’t show up, the child often steps up."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>
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We talk a lot about the struggles of single parenthood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yes, sometimes one parent really is carrying most of the load.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But if both parents are alive, there is still a parenting relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It may be complicated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It may be unequal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It may be painful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One parent may be absent. One may be disengaged. One may feel pushed away. One may do far more than the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But there are still two parents.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

And here’s the part we don’t talk about enough:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When one parent doesn’t show up, the child often steps up.<\/mark><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Not because anyone asked them to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because children are remarkably perceptive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They notice when Mum is struggling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They notice when Dad is hurting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They notice who isn’t around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They notice who is carrying everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And they respond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They comfort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They protect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They become the responsible one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The peacemaker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The helper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The one who looks after everyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can look like maturity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can even feel like something to be proud of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But sometimes it’s a child quietly stepping into a role that was never theirs to carry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

That’s where Co-PAIR<\/em>enting matters.<\/mark><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It’s not about 50\/50.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s not about agreeing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s not about liking the other parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s about Parents<\/em> Aligned<\/em> In<\/em> Respect<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Respecting the child’s role as a child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Respecting the other parent’s role as a parent, even when they aren’t showing up in the way you would like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And taking responsibility for your own role<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because the parent who isn’t showing up has responsibility for that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The parent who is overcompensating has responsibility for that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The parent who feels pushed away has responsibility for what they choose to do with that REAL<\/em>ity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the child?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The child gets to be the child.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Imagine a child instinctively comforting a distressed parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of allowing that child to become the comforter, a parent could say:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I see what you’re doing. That’s such a loving instinct. But this isn’t your job. I’m the parent. I’ve got this.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What a message that gives a child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don’t have to fix this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don’t have to protect me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don’t have to carry my emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve got you.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That’s Co-PAIR<\/em>enting.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because sometimes the most important thing a parent can do isn’t to do more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s to recognise who is carrying what<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And make sure the child isn’t carrying what belongs to the adults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children don’t need perfect parents.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They need parents who are willing to take responsibility for their own role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because when the adults step up, the child doesn’t have to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\"\"<\/figure>
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Something resonating? Let\u2019s talk.<\/mark><\/strong><\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Know someone who needs this? Send it their way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Subscribe<\/mark><\/strong><\/a> for more.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We talk a lot about the struggles of single parenthood. And yes, sometimes one parent really is carrying most of the load. But if both parents are alive, there is…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3716","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3716","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3716"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3716\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3723,"href":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3716\/revisions\/3723"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3716"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3716"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nadiathonnard.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3716"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}