“Tell me, if you were in my position, what would you do?
What position is that?
Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace, and come Christmas gave it to somebody else…
Would you wait around to find out…
Would you wait around to find out if it’s just a necklace, or if it’s sex and a necklace, or if, worst of all, it’s a necklace and love?” – Love Actually.
Infidelity is probably one of the most common issues reported in relationship breakups.
The ones being left to discover the cheat, feel betrayed and often guilty that they may have some part to play in it.
The phrases: s/he cheated on me; I was cheated on; How could they do this to me? translate a clear and direct role in the cheating of their spouse, and while cheating is an act which may explain a variety of reasons, cheating has nothing to do with you.
- There is no such thing as cheating by accident.
The excuse that follows such an occurrence is often said to have just happened. It was an accident. I didn’t mean it to happen.
An accident is finding yourself in a car and not have enough time to break before crashing into the car in front of you. That’s an accident!
There is no such thing as stumbling over someone and cheating! Decisions need to be made before a person or persons chose to cheat and even if all of this happens rather quickly, it still is and never will be an accident! So let’s rule this one out shall we.
- Cheating is a selfish act.
While you are hearing yourself saying how could they do this to me? The cheater, when cheating, has one thing and only one thing on their mind when they cheat, and that is themselves.
They may attempt to make you feel guilty by making you think it is your fault that things haven’t been great for a while between the 2 of you, but if this were true, then why not break up? It is not your fault that they do not choose to communicate what is missing in their life. It is not your fault that their best choice to deal with their current question-ability is to lie about the choice they are making. They are however choosing to satisfy their selfish need, regardless of the affliction it will cause.
- Cheating is cowardly.
I hear many of you cheering now, but it truly is a cowardly act. Cheating follows the inability to address the issues in ones relationship to either make it better or acknowledge that it would be better to end the relationship. Cheaters also lead someone else on, whom, even though may be a willing party in the cheating, usually is fuelled by a certain amount of promises to keep them interested in their needy game.
- This is not what it looks like.
Really? What is it supposed to look like? What excuses are going to make this in any way acceptable? Truth is, cheaters seldom take responsibility for their choices. They will fish for many excuses to validate the infidelity. It is therefore suitable to remember that, there is no such thing as cheating being an accident, they are selfish, they are cowards.
So next time you think about your spouse/partner/soon to be ex or ex as someone who has cheated “on you”, remember that you are not responsible for someone else’s choices especially when those choices are fuelled for a brief self-gratifying moment.