Being part of several divorce groups, I inevitably recognise a pattern in which, mostly women but men are not spared, lose themselves in the relationship.
When a relationship is toxic, it can literally suck the soul out of you.
When relationship are physically abusive, the denial of the abused is made more obvious for finding excuses to stay, but when the abuse is emotional and psychological, the wounds can be as deep than those who bear the physical consequences but with little to show for. The abused looses all sense of self and believes easily that they are the ones to blame. With a shattered self esteem, it is very difficult to face oneself and believe that you deserve better.
Finding yourself and claiming your identity back is the first step to take to claim your identity back. Without acknowledging who you are and taking your needs into consideration, even if you’ve left the relationship, you will never be able to properly move on.
So, how do you meet you?
Firstly, it is important to tune into your values. You see, we are born without values. Values are being acquired throughout our lives from people who have some form of influence in our lives. Your personal values are essential to know who you are and who you want to be. Clarifying your values will assist you in making better choices in your life because, in the end, your choices are really about what you value most.
Secondly, you need to set boundaries. Clear and healthy boundaries are essential to define who you are. A lack of boundaries will pull you away from being your best. Personal Boundaries are put in place to clarify what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviours from others. Just as a fence protects and preserves your property, personal boundaries protect your personal selves.
Thirdly, know what is important and not important in your life. Prioritising tasks and people is very important in finding yourself. Without being able to make decisions based on importance you will find yourself unclear about your values.
Fourthly, believe and trust. When someone has lost themselves in a relationship, they have very little trust in themselves and do not believe that they are worth much. It is time to stand up. Believe in you and trust that you deserve it.
Nice to meet you 🙂
~ Nadia Thonnard