When separated Parents are in conflict, it is because the focus is directed at the problem, but the more the focus is on the problem, the less likely is there room to find a solution.
Problems, though, can often seem to be unresolvable. This will lead to a loss of hope, feeling victimised and eventually a bitterness which will become the default grounds for future decisions and opinions.
One important thing which needs to be acknowledged is that there are no problems without a solution. However deep your problem may seem, start reassuring yourself that a solution does exist.
So how do you move your focus from being on the problem to being on the solution? Here are a few simple tips to help you reverse a problem into a solution.
- What is the problem?
- Stop blaming each other and define the problem clearly. If you can’t agree on the problem, you can’t agree on a solution.
- Understand what causes the problem.
- Clarify what effect does the problem have?
- What do you want instead?
- Establish an objective. Express what you want, NOT what you don’t want.
- What should be done in order to achieve this?
- Clarify which behaviour you need to change in order to achieve your objective.
- What means do you have available to achieve your objective?
- What result would conclude that a solution has been achieved?
- Stay on track
- Evaluate your progress. Look back at where you started and where you are now.
- Support each other with the progress achieved. You both know how important it is for you to keep your objective. Supporting each other will help you stay positive and avoid reverting back to the initial problem.
If you are struggling with finding a solution to your problem, it is advisable to seek Mediation. MEDIATION is a sensible solution to any emotional decisions.