With Christmas being around the corner, many parents will find themselves “using” Santa as a means to correct their children’s “bad” behaviour.
Every generation, though, believes that they have cracked the new parenting trend that will resolve all others, and yes, while we try to adjust, adapt and awaken to new and better ways, every generation still uses “fear” as a means to get their children to do what they want them to do!
To that there is one question I always ask: How can we teach anything when making someone feel bad about themselves?
Correcting damages the parent-child relationship. Criticising, Blaming, Complaining, Nagging, Threatening or Bribing to control, have no place in a healthy, trusting relationship. It is only through the use of connecting habits that you will have any influence over your children as they grow.
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. – Yoda
In REALity Parenting, I like to raise awareness that we need to Connect instead of Correct.
Parents who correct put themselves in a position of “I know better” and dismiss the underlying need behind the child’s behaviour.
When parents connect, they open their minds and their arms to the child’s needs while gently addressing the unwanted behaviour.
So, next time you catch yourself correcting your child with words such as:
- Santa is watching you, you better behave;
- Naughty children don’t get presents;
- You better be good or Santa will not stop at your house –
- …
Instead connect by using words such as:
- I know this is difficult. I’m right here for you;
- How about we take some deep breaths together;
- Those a big feelings. Would you like a hug? –
- …
REALity Parenting is:
- Being the best parent you can be by responsibly meeting your needs while helping your children meeting theirs in a responsible way.
- Leading by example and assisting your child to self-evaluate and self-discipline through positive relationships, love and understanding.
- To teach rather than punish.
- Gently and effectively guide your child to be the best they can be.
So, what are you hoping Santa is bringing you this year?
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