When people complain about difficult co-parenting, it’s often less about actual parenting and more about unresolved issues between the parents themselves. Co-parenting struggles often reflect two adults stuck in an emotional tug-of-war, which I like to call the Reality Conflict Zone. This zone highlights the clash of perceptions and roles, often leading to disagreements.
In this zone, parents usually fall into one of three roles: the victim, the bully, or the rescuer. These roles can shift, but the result is usually the same — a toxic cycle where the focus drifts away from the child’s well-being and turns into an attempt to control or manipulate the other parent.
Instead of working together to meet the needs of the child, parents trapped in this dynamic might use the child as a pawn to keep the conflict alive. It stops being about parenting and becomes more about continuing the emotional battle between the adults, with the child caught in the middle.
The real solution? Step out of the Reality Conflict Zone and focus on what’s best for your child. This means letting go of the need to control the other parent and instead, being the best parent you can be on your own. When you shift your focus to the child’s well-being, co-parenting becomes less about drama and more about creating a stable, loving environment for your child.
Co-parenting isn’t a competition — it’s not about winning. When parents get caught up in power struggles, often using their children as leverage, they lose sight of what really matters: raising a happy, well-adjusted child. Even if parents don’t see eye-to-eye, they can refocus their energy on creating a nurturing environment and valuing the Role and Relevance of each parent in the child’s upbringing.
The ultimate goal is raising a happy, well-adjusted child and be the best parent you can be.
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